Sign your soul away

For my 21st birthday I am going to Naples, Florida with some of my friends from college and my older brother Ryan. Ryan and I always kid around about me bringing "hot" friends by the house so he can meet them and/or "touch them inappropriately". He is joking of course, but this is his way of asking if there are any potential girls that are coming by that he may be interested in. Since it's going to be only him and all my girl friends down in Naples, I decided to draw up a contract for him to sign so he maintains appropriate behavior during the trip. This is what I came up with...

Letter of Agreement

Between

Lauren E. Proctor, the middle child of the Proctor family

And

Ryan Anthony Proctor, the 2^nd eldest child of the Proctor family

Of the same decent

Lauren E. Proctor, representing all the potential fun to be had in Naples, Florida during Labor Day weekend of 2011, met with Ryan A. Proctor, representing the potential of crossing the line during the same weekend. There was the discussion of containing some of Ryan’s actions towards Lauren’s friends to prevent any uncomfortable and unsuitable feelings between any of the guests staying within the confinements of the Regatta condo complex. This Letter of Agreement sets out the intent of the parties to form a closer business relationship and the understanding between the parties with respect to the following matters:

1.)  There shall be no inappropriate touching of any of Lauren’s friends.

2.)  When asked to stop talking, Ryan must stop talking and cease to be present in the room for a minute.

3.)  There shall be no nudity of any kind (i.e. streaking, “gettin’ naked for the ladies”, etc.).

4.)  There shall be no suggestion to any of the females within the group to “make you a sammich” or any other kind of edible product or paraphernalia.

5.)  There shall be no use of any drug on oneself or any of the others within the party.

6.)  Michael Wester and/or any other of Ryan’s friends must abide by this Letter of Agreement

With respect to Item #1: This means no slaping, caressing, pinching, kissing, licking, feeling, poking, tickling of any kind towards anyone of the opposite sex within the party. This does not apply to Michael…you can touch him if you like.

With respect to Item #2: It is known when Ryan gets drunk or tipsy he tends to talk to much and starts saying inappropriate things. If this action occurs, any one of Lauren’s friends or herself, can put Ryan and/or Michael, in a well deserved “timeout”. He must leave the room for at least a minute and does not have the right to say anything further about the matter.

With respect to Item #3: Don’t get naked.

With respect to Item #4: This includes any sexist comment of any kind throughout the entire trip as a whole. Women’s jokes are also included.

With respect to Item #5: Do not even think about using Rohyphenol (i.e. Roofies) or any other drug that may confuse the victim and blur decisions.

All of these terms and conditions have been thought over with the utmost care and precautions. Signing this document means you have agreed to the terms listed above and shall not break the contract. If the contract is broken at any time during the trip, Lauren has the ability to come up with a suitable punishment for Ryan A. Proctor and Michael Wester on the spot.

Please sign and date below.

Signature of primary party:                                                                                Date

X _____________________________________________________           ___________________

Signature of secondary party”                                                                     Date

X _____________________________________________________           ___________________

Whether or not this actually helps in controlling his actions, God only knows, but at least this can't hurt. He signed it and everything...that wasn't very smart of him