Sorry no more toilet paper

I really am not a fan of wrapping gifts. It's fun to buy presents and go shopping for others but when it comes down to wrapping, I am usually a slacker. Since I don't really enjoy folding paper like origami to fit around a new gift that shouldn't be covered in the first place, I don't tend to buy wrapping paper much. So when I bought a birthday gift for one of my friends, I had a bit of an issue. The gift was actually a book called "What's Your Poo Telling You?" (I also have issues buying serious gifts for people).  It described what kind of poops you may possibly have in a lifetime and why you have them (i.e. your diet, drinking, stress, etc.) For instance, there was the D.A.D.S. which stands for day after drinking shit and many other funny names. Well anyway, I figured since I had no paper to wrap the gift in, I could use toilet paper and it would work just as well. It would cover the gift AND have a connection with the book. The below picture was the final product. Unfortunately, my friend didn't make the connection between the two and called me cheap for A. buying a book for him and B. using toilet paper to wrap it in.

Make me a sandwich

My brother asked me to make him a sandwich yesterday while we were sitting around the pool. So I got up and said "of course!" (which is not a typical response...I usually say screw you or give them a death glare) Instead I walked upstairs to the kitchen, got out two slices of bread and sat there trying to figure out what he truly would enjoy on his sandwich. My first thought was to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some lime juice so it looked like a typical sandwich but with a little twist to it. I decided to ditch that idea and started making a peanut butter and pepperoni sandwich. I slathered thick globs of peanut butter on one slice of bread until every corner was covered, and then I placed two layers of expired pepperoni on the second slice. Once my concoction was done, I placed the slices together, grabbed a cheese stick for a side dish, and headed back downstairs. I gave him the sandwich with a smile on my face and at that moment he knew something was up. He looked in between the two pieces of bread and just started laughing. To my surprise, he replaced the top slice of bread and took a large bite. His facial expressions while eating the whole sandwich was fully worth the 18 stairs I had to climb, the energy I had to use unscrewing a jar of peanut butter, and the annoyance of opening an expired bag of pepperoni. I don't think he will be asking me to make him a sandwich any time soon.

Sign your soul away

For my 21st birthday I am going to Naples, Florida with some of my friends from college and my older brother Ryan. Ryan and I always kid around about me bringing "hot" friends by the house so he can meet them and/or "touch them inappropriately". He is joking of course, but this is his way of asking if there are any potential girls that are coming by that he may be interested in. Since it's going to be only him and all my girl friends down in Naples, I decided to draw up a contract for him to sign so he maintains appropriate behavior during the trip. This is what I came up with...

Letter of Agreement

Between

Lauren E. Proctor, the middle child of the Proctor family

And

Ryan Anthony Proctor, the 2^nd eldest child of the Proctor family

Of the same decent

Lauren E. Proctor, representing all the potential fun to be had in Naples, Florida during Labor Day weekend of 2011, met with Ryan A. Proctor, representing the potential of crossing the line during the same weekend. There was the discussion of containing some of Ryan’s actions towards Lauren’s friends to prevent any uncomfortable and unsuitable feelings between any of the guests staying within the confinements of the Regatta condo complex. This Letter of Agreement sets out the intent of the parties to form a closer business relationship and the understanding between the parties with respect to the following matters:

1.)  There shall be no inappropriate touching of any of Lauren’s friends.

2.)  When asked to stop talking, Ryan must stop talking and cease to be present in the room for a minute.

3.)  There shall be no nudity of any kind (i.e. streaking, “gettin’ naked for the ladies”, etc.).

4.)  There shall be no suggestion to any of the females within the group to “make you a sammich” or any other kind of edible product or paraphernalia.

5.)  There shall be no use of any drug on oneself or any of the others within the party.

6.)  Michael Wester and/or any other of Ryan’s friends must abide by this Letter of Agreement

With respect to Item #1: This means no slaping, caressing, pinching, kissing, licking, feeling, poking, tickling of any kind towards anyone of the opposite sex within the party. This does not apply to Michael…you can touch him if you like.

With respect to Item #2: It is known when Ryan gets drunk or tipsy he tends to talk to much and starts saying inappropriate things. If this action occurs, any one of Lauren’s friends or herself, can put Ryan and/or Michael, in a well deserved “timeout”. He must leave the room for at least a minute and does not have the right to say anything further about the matter.

With respect to Item #3: Don’t get naked.

With respect to Item #4: This includes any sexist comment of any kind throughout the entire trip as a whole. Women’s jokes are also included.

With respect to Item #5: Do not even think about using Rohyphenol (i.e. Roofies) or any other drug that may confuse the victim and blur decisions.

All of these terms and conditions have been thought over with the utmost care and precautions. Signing this document means you have agreed to the terms listed above and shall not break the contract. If the contract is broken at any time during the trip, Lauren has the ability to come up with a suitable punishment for Ryan A. Proctor and Michael Wester on the spot.

Please sign and date below.

Signature of primary party:                                                                                Date

X _____________________________________________________           ___________________

Signature of secondary party”                                                                     Date

X _____________________________________________________           ___________________

Whether or not this actually helps in controlling his actions, God only knows, but at least this can't hurt. He signed it and everything...that wasn't very smart of him

Peacocks and peahens

Did you know that peacock is the male name for the peafowl and peahen is the female name. Well I didn't. I actually Stumbledupon this new information and found it very interesting due to my love of the peacock. Now mind you, I do not love peacocks because they are exciting animals that viciously destroy their prey, or love them because they are bigger than the size of a house. I like peacocks because they have the most broad range of colors that no other animal displays. I don't think there is any other creature on the planet that has as large of a spectrum of colors as the peacock does. (I sound like an old woman who's obsessed with her grandchildren, but this is a little more weird) Anyway, my point of this post was not to talk about my love of them but to post a painting I created for my sophomore year dorm room. It took me an incredible amount of time for how sucky it turned out, but I hung it up on my wall nonetheless and it brightened up the room in the slightest amount. I saw a drawing that inspired me to do this painting in the first place.  It was of a person kneeling on the floor but the outline of the body was created using feathered brush strokes like I tried to recreate here. It was black and white and the human form had no detail in it besides the outline of the body. I liked the simplicity of it all and the lack of detail. So I took that idea and drew something with a little more personality and a peacock is what I came up with. I added color because the black and white wasn't working out very well and this was the final creation.

Everyone wants a piece of Apple

made using Photoshop

My favorite photos from Europe

Stonehenge at Day Break

Dover, England. Home of the White Cliffs

                                                                  Scotland Highlands

    

Lagos, Portugal

Barcelona, Spain

Edinburgh,   Scotland

Near Rosalyn Chapel

Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland

Drinks in London, England

Windsor, England

Welcome to "the Sandwich" (my life)

I figured I needed an opening post to explain the strange name I came up with for my blog. Sandwiches are sadly a large part of my life. Not only do I enjoy eating delicious deli meat placed perfectly in between two full slices of whole grain bread after being slathered with spicy mustard, but they relate to my life much more than just my liking for them. Sandwiches represent my family as well. I have grown up with four brothers; two older and two younger, which my family and I call a "boy sandwich" (I don't exactly know why its considered a "boy" sandwich due to the fact that usually sandwich names are based on whats in between the unimportant bread, but that is beside the point.) Anyway, family has always and will forever be an important aspect in my life.

Unfortunately, not all sandwiches are good, tasty, and delicious....

The last way sandwiches are brought into my life somewhat relates back to having four brothers. Since the household is mostly male, besides my mother and I, we tend to be out number. This leads to women jokes and statements such as, "make me a sammich, woman." That phrase along with several other jokes are always replayed in the Proctor household. Even though I thoroughly dislike the jokes, I understand it is all in good humor and my life wouldn't be the same with out all the damn sandwiches.